And I Love You
by Seisei
Summary: MM PAIRINGS ... don't like, don't read. Remus shares something special with Sirius, but afterwards, he doesn't seem too keen on continuing their relationship. When Sirius turns to Severus for his pent-up frustrations, things turn for the worse. Ch. 4 up
1. Default Chapter

And I Love You

This is the FIRST Harry Potter fanfiction I've ever posted. Sirius/Remus are my favorite pairing. **IF IT OFFENDS YOU, I DON'T CARE. DON'T LEAVE ME A FLAME TELLING ME HOW DISGUSTING I AM.**

Anyway, first chapters a bit short, but seconds a bit faster. This story takes place in their seventh year, in springtime. Please enjoy, and leave a comment.

Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling and all the other rich people.

Chapter 1

"Hey, Padfoot."

Sirius pulled his robes over his head, and turned to face James, who was running a comb uselessly through his hair. The handsome seventh year smirked; poor James – finally, Lily had seen the light in him, and he still couldn't get his hair to stay flat.

Pulling his hair out of his robes, Sirius raised a brow. "What?"

"What's up with Moony?" James asked, motioning towards the door. "He was out of here fast."

Sirius kneeled down, pretending to be looking through his trunk to hide his flush. "I don't know."

He could feel James's stare on his back. "Really? You guys were at the library a long time yesterday."

Sirius bristled. "Look, I don't ask you why you spend so much bloody time at the quidditch pitch! Come off it!"

He stood up, feeling a little stupid at his needless lash out. James looked a little taken aback.

"What's that got to do with-"

Felling the heat rise up in his cheeks again, Sirius waved his hand. "Sorry, mate. I'm just a little stressed out right now with exams. Anyway, let's get down to the Great Hall – I'm starving."

His books under his arm, he made quickly for the door, leaving James in his wake.

"Wait!" as he was jogging down the stairs, James came after him. "Would you wait a damn minute, you piss-"

He stopped mid-insult at the end of the stairs, almost colliding with Sirius. Lily Evans, as usual, stood at the foot of the stairs, her books tucked under one arm. She cast a glance at Sirius, who grinned; James was now nervously attempting to flatten his hair.

"I – well – Lily - "

Lily grabbed his arm, sticking out her tongue. "Come on, you great lump."

The three made their way through the portrait hole, Lily chatting amiably at the still dumbstruck James. Sirius allowed his thoughts to slip away as he followed them. Last night, he and Remus had indeed gone to the library, but halfway through their study session, Peeves had caused a complete ruckus, disturbing most of their study time. Sirius suggested the secret passage behind the mirror after Remus refused to just go back to the common room.

But … things had taken quite a turn from there. Growing tired of studying the textbook, he convinced Remus just to read it _to_ him … and the way his voice sounded … steady, smooth… something inside of him stirred. Next moment, he had opened his eyes, turning over so their faces were so close, Sirius on his side. Remus had looked surprised, maybe even frightened by the almost predatory look in his eyes, but…

He could still taste Remus's lips. He licked his own, savoring the memory. But what had come over him? Touching his face, he ignored the slight annoyance that Remus had run out on him. Hadn't they _both_ kissed? He stuffed his hands in his pockets, staring moodily at his feet. Come to think of it, he definitely _had_ wanted to kiss Remus … but that wasn't really what he had planned on happening afterwards.

At the bottom of the stairs, he looked around, perhaps hopefully to spot Remus, maybe talking with another student or teacher. But before he could truly get a good look –

__

Wham.

Startled, Sirius stumbled back, reaching in his pocket for his wand. Next him James let out a low snarl.

"Watch it, Sniv-"

"_James_!" Lily hissed, and he fell silent.

Sirius looked blankly down at the figure below him. The crumpled student slowly stood up, pushing his long black hair away from his face. The look in Severus's eyes was a mixture of panic and hatred. Sirius scowled at him.

"Watch it."

Much to the surprise of the spectators who had stopped to watch, he turned roughly away and stalked towards the Great Hall. A few people murmured; some even sounded disappointed.

__

Whatever, he thought, _who the hell cares, anyway._

At the foot of the staircase, Severus stared after him, his mouth slightly open and wand hanging loosely by his side.


	2. Chapter 02 Can't Suffer Alone

As you may or may not know, I am playing with two pairings here: Sirius/Remus, and Sirius/Severus. Which do you prefer, I ask? If people don't like the Sirius/Severus, I won't do too much, but if you think that it will be … interesting … tell me and I shall deliver. Enjoy.

Chapter 2

As Sirius made his way down the aisle between the Gryffindor and Hupplepuff tables, he could hear James and Lily's hastened footsteps behind him.

"Padfoot," James said in a hushed voice when he caught up to him, "_What – was – that_?!" He was looked at Sirius as though he had never seen him before.

Lily tutted at James. "I don't see what you're so fussed about." She grinned. "I think Sirius has done a bit of growing up," she sang.

Sirius spotted Peter and Remus sitting at their usual spots at the table. There were empty spots around them – they were usually kept clear from other students – but instead of sitting to the wider space next to Remus, he squeezed in next to Peter. Lily and James sat on the other side of Remus, where some of Lily's friends were, as well.

As Sirius reached for the plate of toast, James turned his head to look at him.

"Yeah, so … what _was _that all about?"

Peter looked up, blinking watery eyes. "What was what all about?"

"Today a certain _Snivellus_ – ouch, don't do that, Lily – crashed right into Padfoot, and he didn't so much as send sparks at him."

Peter, too, turned to look curiously at Sirius. "What d'you mean?"

"Why does it matter?" Sirius muttered, buttering his toast.

"Well, you know, it's just a bit surprising," James said sarcastically. "Seeing as how you two are always - "

"You do too!" Sirius cut in. "Well, you don't go after him now that _she - _" he jerked his hand so violently in the direction of Lily that Peter cowered a little, "is on your case, but I know you would. So don't bother me about it."

"Right," said James. "So it's not fun anymore now that it's just you?" He grinned. "Yeah, I can see it, mate."

"Yeah … that's right…" he decided it was best just to agree with him, as to avoid any more questions.

He didn't even really feel like talking. There was Remus, a seat away from him, and he could see him focusing an awful lot of attention on his breakfast. What a joke, he thought. I feel like a bloody idiot, why the hell did I have to do anything?

He stood up suddenly. "I have to go finish my Transfiguration essay."

James glanced at Remus. "Alright … butI thought you would've finished it last night? Why don't you just get Moony to help you, if you're having such a problem with it."

"Don't bother," Sirius muttered, and left the Great Hall. He didn't want to be reminded of last night.

It _was_ true, he had finished his essay yesterday. But he hadn't felt so uncomfortable at the breakfast table since Severus slipped a sickening potion in his juice, and it wasn't a memory he savored. Back in the entrance hall, he wondered whether he should go back to the common room – but no, he would rather walk, he decided, so he quietly exited out the front doors.

The morning spring hair nipped at his cheeks. He pulled his robes closer around him, books still under his arm. Remus was one of his best friends … for years they had ran together during Full Moon, their mismatched pack of animals. How long had he wanted this? It seemed so complicated … a web of constant confusion. He stared into the clear sky, wishing the answer would come to him. Yes … for the past year, he had been so entranced with Remus, but it had been so sudden.

__

Why did you have to screw this up? He thought furiously. _You could've just … just ignored it, just controlled yourself, but no, like an idiot…_

How the hell was he going to fix this now? Tell him, sorry, mate, don't know what came over me, let's just pretend it never happened? Tough chance. Things like that… you couldn't just forget them.

He was shaken out of his thoughts by the sound of something moving in the bushes. Sirius stared at them, a brow raised.

Suddenly, a figure appeared out of them, clutching a varied mixture of weeds in his hands. He turned around, a looked of satisfaction on his face, which quickly vanished when his eyes met Sirius. Dropping the plants, Severus glanced around quickly, as though searching for an escape route. When he spoke, his voice was shaking.

"Wh – what do you want?" his hand was moving to the back of his robes, indefinitely for his wand.

"Nothing," Sirius said carelessly. "Don't flatter yourself."

Severus scowled. "Where's stupid Potter? Can't even come out and - "

"You shut up!" Sirius snarled. "I don't want to hear any of your rubbish." He turned on his heel, ready to walk back to the castle.

"Not so brave without stupid Potter," Severus hissed. "Or that Lupin monst - "

Sirius turned back around to face him, a very ugly look on his face. He was at Severus's throat in an instant, wand point at the base of his neck. "Don't … monster…"

His breath was shallow; the frustration was seeping from him now. Remus … why did it have to be Remus…

The longer he stared at him, the longer the thoughts of Remus moved through his mind … he could smell the potion fumes in Severus, nothing like the clean, warm smell of Remus. But still … it could be just as good… he wished that Remus wasn't so afraid…

So quickly, his lips were on the Slytherins. Severus struggled for a moment, but Sirius was stronger – if only it was Remus, he thought, then this would be perfect.

He could hear footsteps, and he pulled away from his prey. Turning around, his stomach twisted horribly – Remus stood there, his eyes wide, lips parted slightly. His eyes fell from Sirius's to Severus's, and his shoulders seemed to fall a little under his robes. He turned slowly away, and Sirius felt disgusted with himself. How could he have done this… how could he have thought that kissing _Severus_ would have made everything feel better?

Sirius could not bring himself to run after Remus. Not after this – what a disgrace he was, to Gryffindors, to his friends. Like a _Slytherin_ could have replaced Remus…

He looked down at Severus, whose dark hair was falling into his face as he stared at the ground. Severus looked up at him, and a very different expression was in his eyes. Not angry, or shocked… they seemed softer, sadder…

Heart pounding, Sirius turned from the Slytherin, and ran back to the castle.


	3. Chapter 03 The Meaning of a Kiss

And I Love You

Chapter 03

Authors Note: Well here I am for chapter 3. Thanks so much to **ElvishJedi** for telling me about my mistakes with the nicknames. Which is funny, since I was thinking, "hmm, Remus is a werewolf" yet somehow I still got a deer image in my head every time I wrote the others talking about him.

"Sirius! _Sirius!_"

The raven-haired seventh year paused at the sound of his name. Turning, he saw Lily running towards him, a slightly anxious look on her face, clutching her Transfiguration book.

"Did you speak to Remus?"

Sirius stared. "What?"

"Well…" Lily stared down at her feet. "You were both acting kind of funny at breakfast, so I asked him…"

"Oh yeah?" he could feel his face turning red.

Lily sighed. "This is kind of awkward. Look, you're both my friends now, so please don't get upset that he said anything to me."

Sirius tensed. "About what?"

"Last night."

Sirius turned away, swearing under his breath. He didn't _want_ to be embarrassed about what had happened, but he knew exactly what just about everyone would say if they found out.

"Look, it's fine," Lily said quietly. "I'm not going to tell anyone, I know you wouldn't want me to. I _also_ know that you've all been close forever, and he told me he was just nervous … unsure. So…did he come to talk to you?"

Sirius didn't say anything. _Dammit_, was all he could think. Of course, I had to go screw it up.

"Shouldn't we get to class?" he said, abruptly changing the subject. "Come on…"

"Sirius!" she said impatiently, but before she could continue reprimanding him, James and Peter were walking towards them.

"Hey, Padfoot," James said. "Finish your essay?"

"Umm… yeah…" Sirius replied avoiding Lily's stare. "Come on…transfiguration…"

Peter looked around. "Where's Moony?"

"Yeah," James frowned. "He just muttered something about having something else to do and walked off… did you see him?"

Sirius shrugged. "He'll come, let's just get to class already."

James snorted. "I've never seen you so eager for McGonagall before."

Sirius ignored him, moving through the thick crowd of students.

"Maybe you're right, Lily," he heard James say behind him. "Maybe he _is_ growing up! Well, don't turn into a prat, Padfoot."

In transfiguration, they chose their usual seats near the back. Sirius chose the seat closest to the corner, with Peter and James next to him. Lily sat in the row ahead with a few of her girlfriends, occasionally throwing him dirty looks. Thankfully, Peter and James didn't notice.

Remus still had not come to class by the time Professor McGonagall had shut the door to the classroom. Peter and James exchanged confused looks, and Sirius tried to look equally miffed. When the pair turned to face the board, he rested his forehead against his desktop, more preoccupied with the events of that morning.

"Remus?" Professor McGonagall stared around the classroom. "Is he not well today, Mr. Potter?"

"I -"

But before James could respond, there was a knock at the door. McGonagall pursed her lips before swiftly going to the doorway. Opening it, she looked slightly surprised before stepping back to let the knocker in. Remus stepped in, not looking up at his classmates as he walked to the back of the classroom. After he sat down, McGonagall raised her eyebrows.

"Why are you late, Mr. Lupin?"

Remus looked down at his feet. "I had to go to see the Potions Master, Professor."

James shot a look at Sirius, eyes full of disbelief. He wasn't supposed to get his potion – to help the werewolf symptoms from getting out of hand – for another week and a half. McGonagall raised her eyebrows again, and it was easy to see she didn't quite believe him, but did not draw any more attention to the matter.

"Very well, Mr. Lupin, but we'll need to have 5 points for that."

Sirius could not remember the last time when Remus had lost a single point for Gryffindor. Feeling guilty, he stared down at the cover of his textbook, wishing very much that he could take back last night, or, at least, this morning. Not a word of McGonagall's lecture reached his ears that class, and spent most of the class staring at page 398.

While around him, quills were scratching on parchment, he continued to stare down at the page he was supposed to be copying some sort of transfiguration rule out of. Why in the world, out of all the people he could think of, would he want to kiss _Severus_? Everybody knew, including himself, that they were nothing short of archenemies, and to even see Sirius ignore him was strange. A million thoughts flew through his mind. Was this one of those things, when the person you hate was the person you love? Groaning inwardly, he ran his hand through his hair, wishing very much that he knew what was wrong with him.

Or maybe, he thought, it was a sort of… alpha male thing. Perhaps it was just some sort of inner instinct that made him want to prove his dominance.

But that wasn't at all the feeling he had experienced before he kissed him. Rather, it was a longing – for Remus, certainly - but something else had been there, another layer of emotion.

"Sirius Black!"

He jumped in his seat, and found Professor McGonagall staring fiercely down her nose at him.

"Why are you not copying this down? I assure you I am _not_ teaching this for my own benefit! Ten points from Gryffindor – and start copying these notes!"


	4. A Hundred Thousand Questions

Chapter 04

Authors Note: So I took a few days break. I'm always trying to think of new ideas! Not that I'm particularly good at that… I get too frustrated too easily… anyway, back on track! Thanks to _everybody_ who has commented! Most people did agree that some Severus/Sirius would make the story a bit more interesting, so I've decided to keep that. This chapter doesn't really focus on that aspect, but watch out for more of that coming in the next few chapters.

As far as uniforms go, I _do_ adore the movie uniforms, so I've kept those.

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. And those other people.

By the end of the day, Sirius had run through so many scenarios for confronting Remus that he was confused as to which was the best. As it was Friday night, he told James he was too tired to do any homework, and went up to the dormitories quite early.

He was not the only one who had decided not to sit down in the common room with the others. Remus was sprawled across his bed, his cloak hanging off his four-post. Light still streamed across the room, but there was a pair of candles sitting on his nightstand. Obviously, he did not realize Sirius had entered the room, and continued writing on a piece of parchment.

Sirius padded quietly to his bed, dropping his cloak on the floor next to it. Loosening his tie, he crouched before his trunk, and pulled out his Defense Against the Dark Arts homework.

"_Incendio_," he pointed his wand at the candle, and the wick ignited.

He sat down on his bed, legs crossed, and leaned over his work. Sirius was certain that Remus was now quite aware of his presence; when he glanced over at him, he was determinedly staring down at his page. Sirius could tell he wasn't working.

Five minutes passed, this stale, awkward silence hovering between them. Deciding that now was the most opportune moment to confront Remus, Sirius turned to look at him.

"Moony, I don't… this is…"

Remus stopped pretending to read, and looked up at him. His tired eyes were mingled with… what was it? Sorrow? Regret?

"I didn't realize this was going to happen," Sirius said softly. "If I had known… it was stupid of me to have just… you know… kissed you." His eyes dropped to his knees, summoning up the courage to look Remus in the eyes.

"I'm sorry."

Sirius looked up quickly. "Sorry?"

Remus ran a hand through his hair, looked up at the hangings around his bed. "I'm… I don't know how I feel. I thought maybe I was brave enough to ask you what it meant, why you did it… but after this morning… I don't even understand what's going on anymore."

Sirius flushed. "That was stupid of me," he muttered. "I don't even know _why_ I did it. I was feeling bloody well miserable, but I don't know what I was thinking."

"Do you like him?" Remus's question was a soft demand.

Sirius stared. "What? Like him? I don't – I mean – I…" The uncertainties of that morning were rushing back into his mind, and he tried quickly to push them away. Now wasn't the time to sit and worry about it; not when they were finally able to sit and talk to each other. He took in a deep breath, and shook his head. "No, Moony. I don't."

Sirius stood up, his knees feeling a little shaky. He went past James's bed to sit next to Remus's lying form, their eyes meeting as Sirius approached him. Remus sat up slowly, their gazes never breaking apart. Sirius smiled a little, reaching out to touch the sandy-haired boys' face. Remus let his cheek rest against Sirius's palm, his comfort.

"D'you… want to know why I kissed you, then?" Sirius found his voice strangely low, sounding stronger than he could ever remember. "I wonder… but it's a question that can't be answered in words."

He leaned forward, kissing Remus again. This time, it was not so uncertain. Remus leaned against him in return, their lips never parting, his arms wrapping around Sirius's toned form. Sirius found himself being pushed against the bedpost, their kisses turning from a statement into a hundred thousand burning questions. Remus felt desperate, his kisses bruising, his taste intoxicating, their lips and tongues and bodies fighting for control. Sirius at last relaxed, allowing Remus to control them. His mind was swimming in a gentle calm, the insecurities washing away in soft waves.

Remus gently ended their kiss, staring endearingly into Sirius's eyes, flicking black strands of hair from his eyes. "I think I understand how I feel now." He kissed him again.

"And that is…" Sirius smiled.

Remus propped his chin up on his palm. "I think… I could love all of this… and I do…"

He rolled onto his back next to Sirius, resting his head in the crook of his shoulder, Sirius resting his cheek over the crown of Remus's head. Candlelight danced on the walls, night's darkness falling upon the castle.

Authors Note: Hurrah! Now that we've had our fill of sap, I'd like to note that this is _not_ the end of the story! I've decided to end this chapter on this note, as not to distract from the main purpose.

I rewrote this chapter three times, twice with it to be centered around Sirius and Severus. I decided that it was better, in order to keep the story on track, to focus it on Sirius and Remus. I'm glad I did decide to go this way; it gives me much more space to write the story. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy and please leave a comment! 3


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